jacklyn_denise asked:


There was this old man and woman sitting on the front porch on the swing.
The old man gets up and puts his jacket on and the old lady says, “Where are you going?”
The old man replies, “To the Dr.”
The old lady says, “well, what are you going to the Dr. for.”
“To get some viagra” says the old man.
The old lady sits there for a minute and thinks about it. Then she gets up and puts her jacket on.
The old man asks “where are you going?”
The old lady replies,”Im going to the Dr.”
“why?” says the old man
“Well” she replies, “if you are going to start using that old thing, i am going to get a tetanus shot”

bluefishbig asked:


She is single, never married, no kids, 46 years old. She is also a virgin. She has never been intimate with a man before and to be honest I have never made love to a virgin, I’m also 46 years old.

I know I have to treat her with care, honesty, understanding, and most of all take my time with her.

The thing that I am worried about is she is going to wear me out to make up for lost time. So do I say a pray before, during or after.

Do I use viagra or not. By the way this is not a joke.

puma asked:


Following the approval of Viagra by the UK’s health authorities, the first shipment arrived yesterday at Heathrow airport, but was hijacked on the way to the pharmacy distribution warehouse.
Scotland Yard has warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Of course you’ve heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

What’s the speed limit of sex?
68, because 69 means you have to turn around.

Why cant a penis be 12 inches long?
Because 12 inches is a foot.

When is the only time you should fake an orgasm?
When you have a Rotweiller rooting your leg.

fidgetyfingers asked:


Ken, an elderly gentleman shuffles into a drug store and asks for Viagra. That’s no problem,” says the pharmacist. “How many do you want?”

“Just a few, maybe four,” says the pensioner. “But could you cut them in four pieces?”

“That won’t do much good,” replies the pharmacist.

Ken looks at him and sighs…..”I’m 83 years old - I’m not interested in s*x anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pi*s in my shoes.”

bon-bon asked:


A man fell asleep on the beach under the noonday sun and suffered a severe sunburn and heatstroke. He was taken to the hospital where his skin was a bright red, painful and started to blister. Anything that touched him caused agony.
The doctor prescribed continued intravenious feedings of water and electolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra.

“What good will Viagra do him in that condition?” the nurse inquired.

The doctor replied, “It will keep the sheet off of him.”

Ann Coulter’s Nemesis asked:


In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it’s generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called
Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered
were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call
this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”,
“highballs” and just a good old fashioned “stiff drink”. Pepsi will
market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

VetteLeo asked:


An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.
The priest said: “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”
“Never Father, I’m Jewish.”
“So then, why are you telling me?”
“Because I’m fuckin telling everybody!”
**Damn, i’ve got a tough crowd today**

Stay-At-Home_Mom asked:


An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband’s libido.
‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.
‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’
‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.’
It wasn’t a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’
‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor.
‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’
‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?’
‘Twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.

leila b asked:


Q: Did you hear about the man who got his
viagra and his sleeping tablets mixed up?

A: He ended up going for 40 wanks.

Conan asked:


people replying to jokes that they heard before to old heard before so no one else has the right to hear it
cos i know it and everyone else must
or

A man goes to the doctor’s because he’s been sunbathing to long and has got terribly burnt.
“yes” says the doctor, after examining the chap’s whole body “its definately sever sunburn. I’ll write you a prescription.”
Checking to see what the doctor has prescribed, the chap was surprised that he had written down calamine lotion and viagra.
“that’s odd”, said the chap. “I can see the need for the calamine lotion, but why the viagra ?”
The doctor replies :
“That’s to keep the sheets off you at night”.

did you know
More money is spent these days on breast implants and viagra then it is on dementia.

So that means that in 20 years time we wil all be walking around with perky titts and stiff co-cks but have no idea why